The Final Countdown

4 days till the due date and not much progress. The heat here is killing all of us, but I can’t imagine how it feels to someone 9months pregnant. Poor thing. I’m trying not to call them every day to see how things are going because I would be annoyed if everyone did that to me. Instead we are keeping the cell phones fully charged by the bed at night just in case.
I keep thinking that I want to write something to this baby, for this baby etc. I’m just having trouble putting it into words. I think I’ll be able to come up with something better once we meet, and it has a name and a perfect little face. We’re having some interesting family stuff this week but I won’t allow that to overshadow this baby, because this is the first baby and therefore the most special. There is only 1 first baby. The title comes with a lot of people just sitting around staring at you, lots of gifts and special attention...and crowded sidelines for all of life’s events.
As we anxiously watch the phone this week I am overcome with the fact that we haven’t had a baby in the family for 28 years...and like the song says “a baby changes everything”...and this aunt can’t wait.

A blotter from home

I couldn't resist this one...in my hometown newspaper the title above this police blotter entry was "rude boyfried"

Thursday, 6:25 p.m. — A caller from the 700 block of Lindley Avenue reported her boyfriend was hurting her feelings.

Spa Weekend

About 2 weeks ago Christine and I spent a few days in Austin....doing nothing at all really and loving every second of it. We took 2 days off work and made spa reservations, stayed at the Hilton (of course) and when we weren’t relaxing we were eating. Perfect weekend or what?

We started the weekend at the Hula Hut with a strong Mexican martini for Christine and fresh mango margaritas for me. Yes, plural...that’s how I roll. We squeezed in some sushi, shopping and spent 5 hours at the spa getting facials, massages, manicures and pedicures. We also had dinner with my newly transplanted family in Austin, found the cupcake stand in an air stream trailer, and had vino at Hotel San Jose.

I think the highlight above all that came early one morning while dining at Einstein’s, a high class establishment of bagels and schmear...I saw someone in line and had to hold myself back from squealing out loud. You know one of those teen “I almost touched a Jonas Brother” kind of scream. It was...Aaron Piersol!! Who you ask? Well if you follow swimming and the Olympics you also would have known immediately. If you are normal, like christine, and only remember the big guns like Michael Phelps...this name may perhaps escape you. I have added the pics because you will probably remember the face.



He's hot! I gave Christine permission to take him home immediately, not that she needs it...but she fully agreed that he was great breakfast eye candy. He was cool, casual and eating a ton of carbs as he had come from the Longhorn Swim Club and seemed totally unaware that he might be someone that people recognize.

He Won

Of course he did. He came, he rode, he conquered. That's Lance. Levi came in third, also a great showing. The sleepy town of 3K, had about 15-20 thousand spectators. My parents had a great time and I'm so excited that he might have raced his last ever race in the US in my hometown. Who knows, though...how many times did Jordan retire? He might just be back again.

If you can handle the terrible sound quality, this video was taken on the motorcycle alongside the riders in the race, and also shows how what a beautiful town NC is.

Here comes Lance!

I'm not sure everyone knows this, but I’ve been watching the tour de France for...well a long time. It probably started when I spent a summer in France when I was 12, and saw the tour as it passed thru. I even got Jen hooked and now she watches every year. Cycling has all the good drama of a soap opera. Drugs, people changing teams, countries that hate a certain American rider, insane fans that run in the streets and bloody crashes etc. No one in cycling ever generates as much interest as Lance, love him or hate him I think everyone would agree that he is cycling.
In my small hometown the oldest bike race in the history of California occurs every Fathers Day. It's called the Nevada City Classic. In the past Greg Lemond in the 80’s, Lance in 1990, and Levi even in 1998 among others have participated but generally it's a low key event with only die hard cycling fans making any special trips. Not this year friends because Lance himself, along with Levi (who I adore) and Chris Horner...all amazing American riders announced yesterday that they will be riding in it! Lance tweeted it actually, and of course I follow him because I'm psycho. This is probably the most exciting thing to happen to Nevada City since a Hallmark Christmas movie was filmed a few years ago. My parents are already staking out their seats and I’m forcing my mom to make a sign for me. I can’t believe I’m going to miss this one...for budget reasons I cannot hop a flight to CA this weekend. To quote Levi “This is one party to come watch".

Almost Time!!

I had to post the link to Rob and Allison's maternity photo shoot because it is so freaking adorable. I'm sure they will kill me for this but you all know and love them so I figured you would want to see it as well. A)It's totally not fair how tiny she still is at 36 weeks in these pics, and B) look at those dogs! I love the baby room of course. 4.5 weeks to go until baby H. Chris and I are so excited we already have shirts to wear to the hospital when we get the call. Mine reads Aunt Sassy, his reads Uncle Cap.

Heinrich is German but really I’m Irish

I’m a pretty even split of the two, but if you ask the men in our lives we have Irish tempers for sure, and half of us have red hair and freckles. My brother and I have always wanted to go to Ireland so what did my parents do? They planned a trip to go with their friends for 3 weeks, and are sending daily updates to rub it in. Nice.
They don’t really drink, never have, but they are with their best friends of 29 years the Gubitz’s who are shall we say...a little more into the adult beverage. So far my parents have been to the Jameson’s’ tasting room 2x and the Guinness factory, not to mention a different pub every night. I’m beginning to worry if along with the red hair and sassy personality my mom will be bringing back a new found fondness for the booze.
The last few nights they have been at Leslie Castle, the castle where Paul McCartney married that god awful woman. Apparently there is a huge wedding happening this weekend and my mom sent us an email “are there any big celebs that are engaged, I think they’re getting married here this weekend” to which my aunt responded, “oh yes didn’t you hear its George Clooney and Angelina”. See my smart ass tendencies come via genetics.

Amanda

I know I’m not old, but occasionally things happen and I think “wow I remember when...” This past weekend was one of those moments. I have a small family, and cousins were few and far between. When I turned 18 my cousin Amanda was born and she quickly became the special one. You see, I was beyond babying as I was an adult, and my grandparents were over the moon for her. I was able to live close by and picked her up from pre-school some days, and my mom will still drive 3+ hours for one of her basketball games. To me she will never grow up, but this past weekend I had to face that isn’t the case in reality. She graduated from 8th grade! What?!? I can’t believe it, and am sad I missed it. My parents who are off traipsing around Ireland for weeks forgot to tell me. Hopefully with a nice gift all will be forgiven. I’m so proud and she is so beautiful and smart. Luckily for me she will be moving to Texas in a few weeks and I can harass her in person more often. I’m sure she is counting the min for that.


Katie, my other baby...I mean cousin is just as beautiful and special so I added a pic of her last day of 5th grade.

Oklahoma City

Chris and I decided that we would have a “staycation” this past Memorial Day weekend and headed to Oklahoma City. I’ve always wanted to see the Memorial and to do that on the holiday weekend just felt patriotic. So we hopped in the car and drove north. Three hours later we pulled into The Skirvin Hotel (terrible name, awesome hotel) in downtown OKC. After checking in, we walked a few blocks to the Memorial for the Oklahoma City Bombing.


It wasn’t very crowded, being a Sunday afternoon on a holiday weekend. We spent 4 hours walking thru the inside and outside. I was a senior in high school when it happened in 1995, and being that age I remember feeling removed from it. After having gone I think it’s something every American should do. It’s so tastefully done, thoughtful and moving. The tour moves from room to room as you experience that entire day from 9am thru the following weeks, and ending with interviews of survivors and families years later. The fact that with a daycare inside 19 babies were killed will forever, to me, make it worse than 911. Killing children takes things to a whole new level.
We wandered the reflection pool. On one end the metal structure shows 9:01, and on the other 9:03. The reflection pool in the middle with all the chairs showing that life changed in the 1 min in between.

We looked at the chairs, 168, lining 9 rows representing the floors they died on. Little chairs for kids, big chairs for adults. All had flags flying for Memorial Day as well. It was so quiet and peaceful.


We decided to go to Bricktown for dinner, an area they created in downtown with a canal similar to San Antonio. It’s lined with restaurants, bars, starbucks, a movie theater and right in the middle is a ball park. The Big 12 Championship Tournament was that weekend, and I’m happy to say that UT won, but the area was filled with Big 12 fans. We had drinks after dinner at the Melting Pot and called it a day.

The next morning we checked out, and took our time going home. We stopped in a casino for some slot play, and then had lunch at a diner we saw. The hot dog I ordered was well over 1 foot in length! It was nuts. We also had to get a DQ blizzard of course. It was a great weekend with beautiful weather and I can check the Memorial off my bucket list

Baby Buckaroo

Rob & Allison spent a sunny afternoon at a shower for baby Heinrich. Her sister, also pregnant, made the trip from Reno. Grandparents, Aunts, cousins and friends were here as well, but I don’t know anyone more excited to be an aunt & uncle than Chris and I.

I planned Rob & Allison’s baby shower, and in my head it was going to be beautiful weather and the entire party was going to be outside in the yard we had been working on forever. Saturday I woke up to rain, and it rained all day. By about 3pm Chris told me that I was going to need to plan on having it inside. I was totally bummed, but agreed, and spent the rest of the day moving furniture to other rooms of the house to set up the entire shower inside.



I woke up Sunday morning to the birds chirping, and I knew without even looking that the day was the beautiful day I had dreamed of. I looked at Chris and he knew that we would be spending all the hours leading up to the shower moving it all back outside. Good times.


Not knowing the gender of the baby created a few challenges. We went with a western theme, baby buckaroo, the same as the nursery. So bandannas, mason jars and cowboy hats completed the look along with some sweet tea, and homemade ice cream sandwiches. We added a western scene as a photo booth for a little added fun.



Now the countdown begins! 6 weeks until I'm officially Aunt Sassy.

The Break In

Many of you know about this, but for those that don’t...having a lack of a computer can hinder blogging in a big way. A few weeks ago Chris got a call from our home alarm company asking us if we had set off the alarm. Um...no, we were both at work. Knowing that clearly something had gone wrong at home he called me, and we both raced home from our offices to the house. We beat the police by 18 min, don’t even get me started, and found the back gate broken, and the back door pried off the frame and all or our electronics and most of my jewelry gone. Don’t worry; I was wearing the best stuff. These thieves were crafty, breaking in during a shift change for the cops, parking in the back alley, cutting the power and wearing gloves.

(empty mount with fingerprint powder)

It’s been a few weeks now, and it is still strange to walk in and see the mount on the walls, but no TV’s in sight. The first few nights Chris and I wondered what people did with no TV? I have to say we’ve been so busy we haven’t missed it much, with the exception of the season finale of Grey’s anatomy. It is a violating feeling, but I think we have the attitude that the “stuff” was never really ours to begin with. It's inconvenient but we still have a house, jobs, food and each other. A TV and a tiffany’s necklace are just “nice to haves”.

People have been so amazing from bringing us dinner, to offering to loan us a TV or even bringing a bottle or wine. So now we wait for insurance to finish processing our claim and eventually we will be able to do a little shopping to replace some of the things we’ve lost. I think our priorities are the iMac, a TV, an iPod and the DVD player. Who doesn’t like shopping?

What a day

Things happen. I know this. My normal day, and my job are generally so average, I just don't write about them. However, yesterday, the first 2 hours alone were enough to make me want to crawl back in bad and start over.
7:00am: My post shower makeup application. I drop my loose powder as I'm moving it from one hand into the other and lose 50% on the floor, and the other 50% in the sink.
7:15am: head to the kitchen to pack lunch, drop small container of marinara sauce onto the floor and it goes everywhere. I have to try to clean it up, and hold off the dog at the same time.
7:30am: I'm preparing all ingredients for the Crockpot roast that will simmer all day (thus preventing my husband from having cereal for a 5th night in a row) and trip over above mentioned dog licking invisible marinara spots off the floor and spill ketchup on my work blouse. AHHH. Have to go change, the first time.
7:50am Finally out the door, on the road in crazy rain/lightening/thunder. Stop at starbucks to grab some caffeine to calm my nerves. They don't push the lid down all the way, spill on blouse #2. Decide I'm too far from home and think people at work will take one look at me and my coffee stain and walk away. It would be advantageous for them to do so.
8:20am: Turning into the parking garage at work and realize that I have left my laptop at home. Normally a bad thing, but when you have 3 different conference calls with VP levels and up before noon....a very bad thing. So I drive back out of the garage, call and tell my admin I'll be late, and head back home.
8:45am: Run into the house, change again for the second time, grab the laptop and get back in the car.
9:10am: Finally arrive at work, but have lost my will to touch anything for fear I might totally screw it up for the entire day.

Ever have one of those?

The added fun last night was that someone rang our doorbell at 1:10am. I was totally freaked, the dog was going nuts and Chris didn't hear a thing! I couldn't fall back asleep for 2 hours and laid in bed creating escape routes in my head if that should become necessary.

Two...Eight...who do we appreciate?

It was also Rob’s 28th birthday, and the other reason my parents came for a visit. He had a bowling party at the new Splitsville in Arlington, TX. About 18 of us bowled, ate and celebrated. The night was so much fun with lots of family and friends.
This was Rob's last birthday being the “baby” of the family...without having the baby of the family. You can see that little development in the bump that Allison is carrying around in the picture above. My mom was the photographer of the evening and many of you will thank me for not posting the pics, because everyone looks terrible in 90% of them. The few that made the cut are below.

Hello Friends

It’s been a while, I know.

My parents came for a visit and it turned into the largest home improvement project that we have done thus far. Yes folks...we (well my dad with our assistance) installed our own sprinkler system. Not just in the front yard, but the back yard as well. If that wasn’t enough I thought we should landscape, and add some trees and plants. Who knew that trees were over $100 each? One of these plants could have been a new pair of shoes, so I’ll be pissed if I kill any of them.

It's a work in progress but here are some before, and after. We still have a ton of work to do, but I think it's looking good so far.

(during, and notice my dad's fashionable headbands)


(after)

Lucky Me!

Wikipedia states that my task tomorrow is defined as:IRIF - An Involuntary Reduction in Force - The employee(s) didn't voluntarily choose to leave the company. This usually implies that the method of reduction involved either layoffs, firings, or both, but wouldn't usually imply resignations or retirements. If the employee is fired rather than laid off, the term "with cause" may be appended to indicate that the separation was due to this employee's performance and/or behavior, rather than being financially motivated.

Let's just hope I'm not on my own list. That might be awkward. I also hope no one key's my car...the joys of HR. I wouldn't call me tomorrow after 6pm...I'm planning on sedating myself with alcohol after ruining peoples lives in this economic crisis.

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Facebook Phenomenon

Last year, Val and Colleen convinced me to join Facebook. At first it was fascinating, finding people that I had lost touch with, seeing how their lives had changed, pictures etc. Then the inbox filled with high school and Jr. high classmates...and that passing thought of “do I want to accept them?” I mean let’s face it, some of us didn’t really like, or know each other in HS, and I could care less about my friend count. Really, that’s a lame way to feel important in my opinion.

Next was the really awkward wave of parents and friends’ parents. Seriously, does my high school young life leader need to see a photo of me at a bar? Probably not. Then there’s the issues of people tagging you in photos you wouldn’t want anyone to see, the dramas of ended relationship statuses played out via the comment section, and the announcements of major life events via Facebook.

Don’t get me wrong, I check the thing every day. Lately though, I began to wonder when we all decided to stop picking up the phone and calling someone, feeling that a comment on a wall was the same as a conversation? For the record, with me it is not. I like hearing someone’s voice. If we are friends, that’s not how I want to find out you are pregnant, getting a divorce, have a boyfriend, are moving, or have made any other significant life change. Unless you feel our friendship is on the same level as your high school algebra teacher, co-worker from 4 years ago, and that ex you’re stalking from college. I won't even get into the fact that as an HR person that hires people for a living...your page tells me more than your resume, and believe me...I use it.

Call me old fashioned, but I think that it makes relationships less personal and the personal part is what I love about my friends.

Fruity pebbles, fiber, and takeover karaoke

My girls’ weekend in San Diego was, as expected, a great time. Sunny and 78 degrees we lounged, ate, shopped, drank, danced and caught up. Honestly with those two I would be happy just sitting on the deck, reading magazines with a glass of wine talking about our lives. All weekend I did hear “this can’t go on the blog” or “that should totally go on the blog”. Blog censorship I tell you.

Friday we were walking around PB and Val wanted to try this new frozen yogurt place. It’s one of those where you pay by the weight but serve yourself and they have a million toppings you can add. The sizes we got would be embarrassing for normal people but not to us. I decided on nonfat pistachio and was unsure what topping would complement the flavor. Val looked at me and in all seriousness said “yogurt chips of course”...well a traditional person would think that. I tend to color outside the lines so I went with fruity pebbles. They mocked me, until they tasted it and were jealous. It’s a little bit of heaven friends. Colleen had added coco puffs and we told her they looked like rabbit turds. Friend love.

Fiber...well I think the more you know your friends the more you know. Sometimes bordering on TMI. So I will spare you the details of the conversations revolving around bathroom topics and just tell you that when Val stood up and announced “fiber shots you guys?” I literally laughed out loud. She said it as if she was a bartender. Fiber shots?? Her philosophy is that regularity is a good thing. The girl went and mixed something with water and put it in these tiny shot like glasses and we drank them like it was patron. Only with them.

Takeover Karaoke was Saturday night. We all got ready and sat around the table at home drinking and snacking. All of a sudden we looked up and it was 10:30, we were already well on our way to buzzed and needed to go. The destination was one of my favorites, a dive karaoke bar that is so crowded on the weekend you won’t get to sing a song unless you pay the dj a lot of $. Even then it’s a long shot. We knew with our late start we would never have a chance on the mic. Well...our group is less than shy. So when Journey’s “Don’t stop, believing” came on and 2 guys went up on the stage...we did what any normal group would do. We took over. The girls literally got on stage, took the mics and started singing... it wasn’t a hostile takeover because the boys were allowed to sing along. It was classic. Let’s just say we were “those girls”. The night ended at Santana’s for late night burritos and might have forgotten Colleen...and she might have had to walk home...I’m just saying.
Real friendship is that the next morning she wasn’t pissed. I think the sweet justice for her was that I couldn’t eat a thing all day, and was a lovely greenish color all the way home to Dallas.

D Bag Jason

I can't even talk about the Bachelor last night it makes me so enraged. I heard this was the ending about 4 weeks ago and just kept hoping that it was wrong, that it was a trick to keep us on our toes. It wasn't, and I am totally disgusted with ABC, Jason, Chris Harrison and Molly. All of them are total D Bags and I will never watch again.
Even though I love Jillian and know she will be an entertaining bachlorette last night changed how I feel about it forever, and I'm done. Peace out. I would rather be trapped in a daycare for 5 hours with sick runny nosed screaming children and no Lysol than hear 2 seconds more of what anyone associated with last nights train wreck has to say.

Don’t Sweat Us

Time for the annual girls weekend with Colleen and Val.
This year we will be in the land of perfection known as San Diego. I hear it will include a hike at Torrey Pines State Reserve (my favorite), Mexican food, a night out dancing, and a slumber party afterwards with some of the other SD girls I miss.

Be back next week!

Points for Mr.G

I know most of the time that I am very blessed. My husband, while not perfect, is pretty close. I have a few friends that are single moms with babies under 1. They have very busy lives and don’t get to go out as much as the rest of us. I invited 2 of them to join me in seeing “Confessions of a shopaholic” and one couldn’t find a sitter.
So what did my husband do? He babysat a 5 month old baby so we could go to lunch and a movie. Yep, he changed a diaper, made and fed the baby a bottle and even got him to take a nap. When we walked out of the move and found no urgent text messages from him we were all a little impressed. I think he’s a keeper.

My Mornings

I have a morning routine. The alarm goes off, and the TV goes on at 6:28 am to the sound of Fox 4 “Good Day”. I listen to the first 10 min of the 6:30 news then start getting ready with the Good Day Gang on in the background. I feel like I know them. This morning I was so sad to hear that my favorite, Megan Henderson, is leaving town and that Friday will be her last broadcast. I called Chris on my way to work and this was the conversation:

M: Megan is leaving
C: Megan who??
M: From Good day.
C: I'm sorry, I know how you feel about that show. She was way to smoking hot to be an anchor in Texas anyway, I can see her in LA.
M: This was not the direction I was going this morning, but thank you for the sympathy.

I know this is a random post, but I love her, and my mornings just won’t feel the same.

A trip to the ER

I woke up at 5am on Sunday in Lake Charles, and knew that something wasn't right. I felt terrible and was having difficulty breathing. Being in someone else’s house and a town I don’t know I was a little panicked. The Hay family likes their sleep, and I didn’t want to wake them. I also knew that they would be so concerned they wouldn’t want me to go anywhere alone. I like to be alone when I’m sick. It’s my thing...so I Googled “urgent care” on my handy iphone, found out none of them opened until 10am! I tried searching a few other options and the magic phone found me a starbucks and the ER at the touch of Google. Hey, I have priorities. Iced grande skinny vanilla latte, then the ER.
I snuck into Celeste’s room to grab her keys and headed out. As predicted Celeste didn’t wake until 11:30 and by then I was almost finished at the ER. I found out I had a terrible upper respiratory infection that was exacerbated by the 5k run that Celeste and I had done the day before. I was given a steroid shot and prescriptions for when I got back to Dallas. Never a dull moment I guess.

Mardi Gras Lake Charles Style

My weekend in Louisiana with the Hay family was more than I even imagined. It was my first time in the state of Mardi Gras so for me it was very entertaining. Here are just a few of the highlights.

I flew into Houston, Celeste picked me up and we headed to Lake Charles. Celeste has the nicest family, so open and welcoming. They have a beautiful house, on the water with a very cool boat dock. I looked for alligators only to be told they don’t see them in the winter. The fact that they see them at all is enough for me to know I’m never swimming off that dock. Ever.
We arrived in time for dinner which was an exciting fish fry at the Pentecostal church down the street from her parents’ house. Again, I have never been to a fish fry for a Pentecostal church so this was a good time. The description Dorsey gave me was that the girls don’t cut their hair or wear any makeup and dress like little house on the prairie. Her description was spot on.

Saturday night we had the Crew du lac Mardi Gras Ball and we needed to find Celeste a costume. The theme was “out of Africa” and everyone was going tribal. We made our way to the ethnic beauty store and were in search of some good hair. I got a wig and Celeste got a hair piece to attach to her ponytail. She was asking the man behind the counter how to attach the hair, and he took it upon himself to give her some additional recommendations. He asked her if she wanted a “booty pad”. A what? We were totally confused by his question, and then he pointed to a fake ass that one would wear to give more of a “booty” and we both about died laughing. Um, no...I think we have more than enough junk in our trunks already but thanks.

That night with the costumes and added hair we headed to the ball. On our way I insisted we stop at a one of the drive thru daiquiri places I saw earlier that day. That’s right you drive thru and they hand you a cup of blended alcohol goodness. I had never seen one, and felt an obligation to try them. Delicious.
Each group in the crew dresses in a different theme for this ball, and some of the costumes were awesome. I personally loved the crew that came in Chef attire and called themselved the "master baters". Classic. After the court was introduced (duke, duchess, king, queen) the dancing began. Celeste’s uncle was a Duke this year, a great honor, so we all had special tables. Let’s just say the girl has a lot of family. Most people had begun drinking hours before the ball even started so people were having a good time. We all danced until well into the morning and I hope to be invited back again next year.

What the French toast?

So I’m gone a few days and missed a major change. I got into my car this morning and turned it to my favorite throw back station 107.5 "Movin" and instead of a little salt n peppa I hear Julio Iglesias. I was convinced that it was a joke of some kind, so I changed to another station for a while then went back to “movin” and again...Spanish music. I know that stations can change format suddenly but this was bizarre. Once I got into the office this morning I checked it out online and found this this. All I have to say is what the French toast? I loved that station. If I wanted livin la vida loca I would already listen to that crap.

Anxiety

I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday, and the month of February. I love that I usually had a day off on or around my birthday for Presidents Day and because of that I had birthday parties on the ski slopes most years. A bunch of girls running around the lodge at Alpine Meadows was not a bad way to spend the day. I loved that my mom made my day and Valentine’s Day 2 SEPARATE occasions. I love that the first call I get every year is from my parents telling me all about the day I was born. It’s the same story but I never get tired of hearing it. I get to hear about how my mom was so dehydrated from literally puking all 9 months that she had to go to the hospital and be hooked to an IV for fluids. While doing that she casually mentioned that her stomach hurt. Um yeah, that was LABOR. I also love that when the Dr came in to ask about drugs, my dad turned to him and said “no, and don’t come in here and ask again”...he never came back and my mom rocked labor with no meds of any kind. I love that one year, my parents threw me a surprise birthday party before school. That’s right. They set all the clocks back, so that I would get up thinking it was the regular time, and while I was getting ready my mom was driving around picking up all my friends. The doorbell rang; I opened it to see all their faces and was totally confused. In fact I started to cry and slammed the door, with them still standing out front. I composed myself and let them in, but the bizarre school day breakfast birthday party totally sums up my childhood.


The hate part is that I now have a total aversion to anything in the shape of a heart, conversation candy, the colors pink and purple etc, but the big anxiety is this. All my grandparents died, or had an event that led to death during February. My dad’s mom died suddenly the week I was turning 4, she was on her way to pick up my birthday present. My family still insisted on having a party, but seeing the pictures I realize how blissfully unaware I was of the events around me. My dad’s dad, being in poor health to begin with, followed her a year later. The pics from birthday year #5 are even better than the 4th. So in gearing up for my 6th birthday I had a special birthday wish, I told my mom’s mom that for my gift she had to promise she wasn’t going to die. All I knew was my birthday didn’t seem to be a good time for family, and I was tired of it ruining my parties. She made the promise, and I started to relax again, and then the big 21st birthday. I was in college but the entire family met for dinner, and the next morning my grandpa had a stroke. He never recovered and 2 months later he was gone. This time I was old enough to know just how much death sucked, and it was terrible. The year I turned 29 my grandma called to tell me she was going to have a surgery and it was set for Feb 28th. I begged her to move it; just a few days...they all know how I feel about Feb. She told me I was silly, that she would be fine. I didn’t agree, and flew out the weekend of my birthday to spend what I was hoping wouldn’t be the last with her. 2 weeks later and 24 hours after her surgery something had gone terribly wrong. 36 hours later I was on a flight to San Francisco to take her home to die surrounded by family. She made it 1 week and into March, and I still have a hard time talking about that week but it was amazing. Near the end she looked at me and said “I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep that promise anymore”. Knife. Thru. The. Heart.

So the birthday for me is a mixed bag of stuff. Blessed with a wonderful husband, family and friends that make time for me and include me in their lives, and places to go, people to see, dinners to have etc. But I also have the nagging sad part that sneaks up on me in the quiet of it all.