Hawiian Luau

The Hawaiian Luau. A must if one ever has a chance to visit an island. I think once is enough, but I have been to one on Maui, Kauai, and Oahu and I can assume it is much of the same on the other islands. You have the food, some good, some I will advise to pass on (poi…yuck). The hula and fire dancers, the tropical refreshments, and the crowd participation. I wish I had taken shameless pictures of the outfits I will mention, but I’m not sure those wearing them would appreciate the mocking.

It was a very nice Luau, the one I attended last week, and it was Thanksgiving…one of the Hyatt in Kauai’s biggest of the entire year with locals and tourists alike. I was there for the free mai tai’s, if you call $75 per person reasonable it was a good time. But I digress from the fashion show that kept me entertained most of the evening. It was literally the worst Hawaiian shirt contest, or dress for the women. Everything from neon, that’s right the color neon green that I thought disappeared and rightfully so with the 80’s was in full effect. You also had the entire families in the same pattern, grandparents, mom and dad, kids…all wearing the same tropical print. Throw in the Euros with the black sock and sandal combo added to the hula look and you see why I was amused, that and the mai tai effect could have made it more fascinating to me. Please don't catch that island fever. The one where you think all that print is suddenly "pretty" and wear it...only to return home, develop the pictures and say to yourself "what was I thinking?"

I’m no fan of crowd participation (flashback to most embarrassing moment in life) so when they start walking around and looking for people I recommend ducking, or taking a well timed trip to the bathroom. I was successful in avoiding having to go on stage, but I must give a shout out to one participant from the evening. No clue his name, but he was getting married the next day and all the friends and family were there as well. He was supposed to imitate this hula dance…poor guy couldn’t find the rhythm to save himself. So he decided to forgo the hula and start ghetto booty dancing between to dancers, then started jumping up and down waving his Hawaiian pom poms. They let him go on like this for the rest of the entire song! It was the most hilarious point in the evening. I was dying laughing, and not with the poor guy. I have a feeling that those darn mai tais contributed to his total confidence on stage, but the family had a video camrea, so lucky for him he can relive the moment anytime he wants to. If it were my family, probably several times you don't want to as well.

So here’s to you drunk groom at the luau on stage guy, thanks for making the show well worth the price of admission. Have I mentioned how much I love vacations?

Tiger and tipping...

Ok sorry it’s been a while but I have been absent for a good reason. VACATION!! Love those. I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai for a little over a week. While there we usually go to the Grand Slam to see the players etc at least one day. Well I am a non golfer, so this tournament has never been a must because I would rather be scuba diving of course. I think I would like more, except for a few small things:

1) No talking, just like in fishing. Lame. I mean if every other sport has to learn to adjust to crowd noise, golf should also. I don’t see how silence helps a ball roll near a hole.
2) Hand Eye coordination, of which I have none. Well I have no coordination but that’s another blog entirely. Given that one of my eyes is near sighted, and the other is far sighted (no I’m not kidding) my hand eye is totally lacking. So my ball goes everywhere if I even hit it and the divots are something to see.
3) Length of time to play. I think golf was developed by men as a way to disappear for hours at a time and be “unavailable”. I mean if you have a delay because of groups in front of you it can take well over 4 hours. 4 hours or more of hit the ball, walk to the ball, hit the ball, walk to the ball etc. This is why I love hockey faster paces and the possibility of bloodshed.

So this year the boyfriend went, and to say he is into golf would be an understatement. He of course wanted to go every day all day. I like to watch, but one day of walking the course for 5+ hours was enough. I don’t care how close I was to Tiger (5 feet) or that his hot wife Elian was walking the course in front of me. But I also am a celeb gossip addict so I had to hang in there in case anything was Perez worthy. The only news to report…Tigers trainer has bigger diamond earrings that any woman I have ever seen in person, his wife is more than gorgeous, and the only juicy tidbit is that they are cheap! The most famous athlete in the world DOES NOT believe in tipping. That’s right, several sources, and stories all over the island re confirmed this unfortunate issue. Example, a $3,800 spa service bill and $0 tip. Sad but true. I understand not wanting to be hounded or stalked, or even approached. But not to tip the people that massage your cheap ass is unbelievable. He is an amazing athlete and a beautiful golfer, but I think generosity is a skill that might need some fine tuning. Just a thought.

Now that's a hill!!

Many of you are familiar with the hills of San Francisco, but have you ever walked all the way up one? I would have to advise against it unless you frequently walk at an incline of 20% at the gym treadmill or hike Kilimanjaro on vacation. I say this because while on a weekend vacation my friend Jen who is training for a marathon in a few weeks didn’t want to get off her "schedule" to be on target. Being the pal that I am I agreed to run (and I use that term as loosely as possible) while we were all in San Francisco celebrating her birthday. We woke early to take on the City by the Bay. I quickly remembered that California, and this city in particular, were not flat like our lovely state of Texas. The saying here is "Everything's bigger in Texas". Perhaps usually that’s true (hair, jewelry, belly's) but what they call Hill Country I and other Californian's would call a speed bump. So Jen and I were a little unprepared for the hill that presented itself to us. Some might call it Hyde Street; we will call it What the hell were we thinking street, and as we started up I knew right away my idea was not genius as I had originally thought, but moronic. I was laughing and Jen was cursing me as we were literally hiking this hill, but we pressed forward. We did manage to make it to the top, but getting there wasn't pretty and on the way back down our muscles were noticeably shaking. I'm sure people thought I was some poor girl off her seizure medication, but no....it was from walking up a hill. Jen and I survived, but took the cable car the next time we felt like conquering the hills of the beautiful city. Please see above how Jen and I chose to celebrate, it was her birthday after all.

My dance moves are phenominal

I've heard some interesting pick up lines in my day but over the weekend there was one that I won't be forgetting soon. My girlfriends and I were enjoying a weekend away celebrating my friend Jen's 30th birthday (I mean 25th birthday). While there we went out for dinner followed by going to a club and dancing. Of course being 7 attractive ladies we did receive some male attention. As we were sitting at the bar a young man we will call Barney (think how I met your mother) approached my friend and announced "I've been waiting for you to come dance with me". She replied with a laugh and asked him his name....his response "my name doesn't matter because my dance moves are phenomenal". Seriously?? He backed up and demonstrated the moves, and I have to say they were seriously not phenomenal. But laughter and some Tokyo tea later we were all on the dance floor with him. I'll have to remember that one, because I happen to think my dance moves are phenomenal. I have attached a photo of "Barney" in his prime dancing mode...need I say more?